It all started about 2 years after I got out of college. I was in the throws of cohabitation with my now dear husband and things were fine at first and then, like a thief in the night, the fever crept up on me. Perhaps it was because the first of my friends were getting married, but the first signs were hardly noticeable.
I would spend time on the internet almost daily looking at wedding gowns and engagement rings. I would look longingly at shows like "Newlyweds" and the wedding shows on the Style Network and wish I was getting married. I drove my mother nuts asking her everyday, "why won't he propose to me?"
But then, unfortunately, like most sicknesses, things got worse before they got better. I began to visit jewelry stores and actually try on engagement rings. I never went to any dress shops to try on gowns, but I know there are some women out there that have done this. Whenever it was a special occasion, Valentines Day or my birthday, or really any time we went out to dinner, I would wonder is this the day he's going to propose? And when he didn't, I would become so depressed.
I tried even to take matters into my own hands and asked him to just come with me to city hall to get married, and he said ok! I was so excited. I went into high gear trying to figure out when we would do it and what we would wear, and who would come with us, and then he told me he couldn't do it. I was crestfallen.
It was then that I made what would be considered by some a rash decision. After yet another person I knew got engaged after what I would consider a relatively short "courtship", I sat down with Tarus and told him that I felt the relationship wasn't going anywhere, and that we should break up.
Yep, we broke up too, for 2 whole weeks. But within those 2 weeks, I packed my stuff up and uprooted my mom, who was living with us, and moved out. And we still didn't get engaged for another 6 months after that!
I can gladly say that this story has a happy ending. Tarus and I were married in 2005 and it was indeed the happiest day of my life (until he smashed cake in my face, but that's another story). And yes, there are lessons to be learned here. First, talk to your love and maybe, just maybe, he will tell you what the holdup is. It's not always his desire to hang on to his freedom that is gumming up the works. Sometimes the reasons are financial (he can't yet afford to get you the ring he thinks you want, he may feel like he's not in the best financial place to take care of you).
Secondly, don't throw down the gauntlet unless you are willing to deal with the consequences. I always said that in breaking up with Tarus, I did not want to obligate him. I honestly didn't feel like I should invest anything more into the relationship if it wasn't heading in that direction. I know some ladies say they're leaving and give the ultimatum thinking that he will relent and skip down the aisle with them. But what if he says no? Are you really ready to give him up? (I apparently wasn't, though I had already moved out). And don't breakup with the person you're cohabiting with unless all your ducks are in a row (another mistake I made). I broke up with Tarus and was still living there another 2 weeks because I had to find another apartment, what a mess!
Lastly, and most importantly. Wanting to get married is great. But know that the wedding is one day. Before you embark on this quest to get married, know that you are ready and prepared to deal with all the ups and downs marriage entails. If not, you'll be wasting time, yours and his.
Happy hunting!
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